In my last post, I wrote about how fear can invade the thought lives of parents of children who have social, emotional or behavioral challenges. In our thoughts, few things seem to be as crippling as fear. In my last post, I noted some of the fears we may face as parents of special-needs kids–they can be significant and real. So how do we overcome these fears? While we might consider each fear a separate and considerable threat, is there a way to overcome our tendency to fear in general?
There is a way. I John 4:18 tells us that “perfect love drives out fear.” This is the principle for overcoming. In this particular place in the Bible, John is talking about God’s love and what it entails– that it is perfect, sacrificial, active and practical. He is telling us that because of God’s love, we do not have to be fearful on Judgement Day because God has written the end of the story and it is a good ending for those of us who love God. We do not need to fear death, which is probably the ultimate fear for many people. However, there are many of us who probably fear death less than we fear the things that might happen before death. We fear feeling pain, heartache and disappointment on this earth. These are real concerns and they will always have an effect on us while we live on this earth. However, we have a choice over how much they disturb our thoughts from day to day.
Our choice boils down to this: to focus on the potentially disturbing things that could cause us or those we love to have pain in this life (this is fear)– or to center our thoughts on the reality that any pain we experience on earth is insignificant to the amount of love and joy that eternity with God brings us (this is love). If we trust what God tells us about the short amount of time we are on earth compared to eternity, our temporary pain and disappointment does not seem as overwhelming. In 2 Corinthians 4:17 , Paul describes them as “light momentary afflictions”. And let me tell you, Paul knew real suffering.
So, for me, it helps to consider suffering in the light of eternity. A sort-of silly, but widely understood example is the moment of cold when we step into a swimming pool for the first time in summer. We may dread the first moment of cold, but we know it will be followed by minutes or hours of enjoyment. God’s word tells us in Romans 8:18: “I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory about to be revealed to us.” So I say, We need not dwell in the fear of what happens on earth– God’s love and care enables us to overcome.
As a family of a soon to be “adult” with autism, we have endured much over the years as I know each family has. And we have also been crippled with fear, however, when I begin to feel overwhelmed to the point of exhaustion and just wanting to pull the covers up over my head, I make myself reflect on all of the blessings that God has given us–and these are things that I would have never thought possible! For instance, if a young child is happy doing his own repeated behaviors, routines, etc., then HOW would he ever become a part of a mainstream classroom of peers? That was a huge fear for me, but God placed the right people in the right places and gave our son that opportunity. How does a parent get a best friend for their child, and not just someone being nice because a teacher asked him? Seriously, you can’t buy that, get a degree for that etc. God again knew my son’s future and carefully placed the bestest buddy (and a genuine one at that) our son could ever ask for. And that young man has really become my son as I will love him for eternity as my own. Being THANKFUL for the many blessings in our life (that we never thought would happen) and being able to RECALL them when the fear creeps in is one of my best strategies for healing the fear that can paralyze me if I let it. We all need to remember that faith begins where fear stops and that God allows hard times (as with Joseph)for good. May we seek all God’s Plan and be thankful for it!