I am at that place once again– the place where there is so much going on that I can hardly keep my thoughts together. I start to knock out something on the “to do” list but think about another problem or activity that needs my attention in the middle of accomplishing the first one. Sometimes that leads me to switch activities mid-stream. Or I realize I cannot accomplish Activity 1 without collecting information and making a decision about Activity 2 first, so I must switch activities even if I would choose not to. I can soon become overwhelmed.
My anxiety is creeping up– here are a few reasons why:
My life is full of details I would like to control, but clearly cannot. Some examples are my children, everybody’s health, my work, and the attitudes and behaviors of others. Just to give a few examples…
I want to make sure one daughter’s minor surgery goes well, and I’d like to fix the other daughter’s stomach aches. I would like the pets to live forever so nobody ever has to grieve over them. I am concerned how the puppy will do when we leave town, and that one daughter will be home alone on another trip. I wish both daughters would clean their spaces more. I wonder when my kids will begin to really fulfill their potential and if I am helping or hindering that process. I fret over how much to work and what to prioritize what I do. Sometimes I hardly know what to think, yet alone write in these blogs. Case in point–I have started three different blogs over the last few weeks and not completed one because I could not decide which was best to write. Because I’m a mom, I could always blog about worry and exhaustion, but that would get old– so I am writing about being “overwhelmed by life and parenting”–like that is any different:(.
If that was not enough to stir you your empathy, let me also tell you how frustrated I am about computer systems and their incessant updates. My neck is stiff, pet hair is on my chair, and I don’t spend enough time with friends. I have a tooth ache and a member of our family was in a minor car accident (I’ll not say who) so I’ve spent a lot of time with the State Farm family lately. Speaking of family, I do not call my mother nearly enough. I even worry that I do not worry about my husband because surely I am missing something there! Oh, I’ve got it– he is tired but still in the garage tonight using dangerous power equipment– that could be worthy of some tension.
Some days I feel completely ill-equipped to manage and move forward. Sometimes I just want to give up. But then I am ever so vaguely reminded of the blessings in my life and how God has done some really good things with my feeble efforts in the past. I also know I am not alone in my confusion over life’s predicaments. Life and parenting can be overwhelming, unpredictable, uncontrollable and incomprehensible for everyone at times. I have two bits of advice to give to myself (and maybe to you).
1. Go to bed tonight and look at those worries again tomorrow. No sense keeping them crammed into our minds all night as there will be new joys and challenges each day to keep us busy (Matthew 6:24).
2. Hand the worries over to the King of Kings, seek Him first (really first!)(Matthew 6:33) and “know that God is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work in us” (Ephesians 3:20).
I am so thankful that my children, my work, and all of the other little creatures and things under my care do not depend solely on my competence, understanding or power. As much as I try to keep it all together, the reality is that I can be so small and weak. Thank you, God for being so much bigger than me.
Okay, now I’ll go check on my husband in the garage…