Christmas- Autism Style: 10 Tips for Parents, Grandparents, Extended Family and Friends

Although most parents who have a young child with autism would love for their child to be able to fully participate in all of the holiday fun just like typical children, this is often not realistic. Many families have holiday traditions which are wonderful, but may not be fun or motivating to a child with autism. Here are a few ideas that might make the celebration more enjoyable for the young child with autism and his/her parents.

1. Parents, if possible, talk ahead of time to extended family or friends involved in the celebration to explain autism and why some accommodations need to be made for your child to participate.

2. Parents, do not feel like you must follow the usual Christmas schedule if it does not work for your child. If you conform to an unrealistic schedule, your child will most likely have a melt-down and you will be sorry. Even if is embarrassing to ask for a different plan, it is better to be honest and forthright than to pretend that your child needs no accommodation and push him/her into a tantrum. Then, everybody feels bad. ( I learned this the hard way).

3. Keep many parts of the day routine, since other parts (a large sit-down meal, opening presents) will be very different than usual.

4. Write out a visual schedule for the child about what and when things can be expected to happen. Extended family can work with parents to give general time plans so that the schedule can be made for the child.

5. Modify the gift opening extravaganza if needed. Gift exchanges, a treat for typical children, may be a stressful activity for a child with autism. Usually several people are in one room together where there is a lot of talking, laughing, oohing and aahing. Overall, the event is often loaded with sounds, smells and sights that can produce sensory overload in a child with autism. This may cause him/her to retreat, and that can cause everyone to feel bad, unless they understand. Here are some possible modifications for gift exchanges:

  • a. Open fewer gifts in a sitting—maybe just opening one or two gifts each day for a few days.
  • b. Allow time for the child to play with a gift once it is opened, instead of moving quickly to another gift.
  • c. Take “quiet time” breaks at regular intervals to allow for de-stressing.
  • d. Encourage your child to thank the gift-giver, but accept if the child is uninterested or makes a blunt comment or gesture that indicates he does not like the gift. Remember that young children with autism do not understand that people are supposed to pretend to like gifts even if they do not like them. It is a social skill that most likely has not yet been learned.

6. Bring foods that your child can or will eat for Christmas dinner in case there is no food that works in the home where the celebration takes place.

7. Parents, be ready for questions or silent looks about why your child needs these modifications. It is easy to feel marginalized when your family is different, and sometimes that causes parents to feel judged. Remember how ignorant you probably were before autism was a part of your life, and try to be patient with family member misunderstandings.

8. On the other hand, parents, do not allow “bullying” or “peer pressure” to cause you to treat your child differently than you normally would just because friends or relatives are watching and maybe judging. Remember that you know your child best.

9. If the day doesn’t go so well (your child is upset or upsetting others), tell yourself it is okay. It really is! Christmas and other holiday traditions are not laws we must live by. Learn from the experience and be ready to try another plan that works better next year. Sometimes trial and error are our best teachers.

10. If the day is a real flop, remember the true meaning of Christmas—-Jesus came to earth as an infant to grow up and die for us so we might leave this messy and imperfect world someday to live in heaven with Him. He also came to give us a relationship with God, so that God can comfort us here on earth. So– we still have a reason to be joyful on bad and messy days–that is the real message of Christmas. (It took me a while to learn this, but once I did, my life has been never been the same.) December 25 is no more important than any other day that God provides. Each day is a gift to unfold– and tomorrow may be better. Love your child and be joyful as much as possible.

 

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